Birdcage Religion

A beautiful song from "Sleeping at Last" that reflects where I have been and are, and that has become my prayer these last couple of weeks. May it mean something to you as well. And may it ever remind us all that we might just have to be the broken record that helps somebody find themselves again. 

So slowly I'm losing who I've sworn to be. 
A promise in pencil, that years have made so hard to read. 
I've spent my life building walls - brick by brick and bruise by bruise... 
a birdcage religion that whispered me to sleep. 


But time is spinning silk that coils ruthlessly; 
with the devil's patience, it binds my hands so quietly 
that soon it becomes a part of me. 


So soften these edges and straighten out my tie. 
And help me remember the hope that I have compromised. 

Please be a broken record for me.

The Invitation

We had the privilege of being at an old friend's wedding yesterday afternoon, and as part of the ceremony the following was read. It is truly beautiful and inspiring, and so I want to share it with all of you.   

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments."

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

You are!

I have finally watched "The King's Speech" in these wee hours. I am simultaneously ashamed and delighted - ashamed that it took me so very many years to get around to it; delighted at the bucket of wisdom and inspiration it has doused me with (along with some Queen's English, of course). And then at exactly the time I need to be showered with these things. I am sharing these thoughts, here, with you. I hope they are the same breath of fresh air for you, the spark needed for dying kindling.

You might not be the first choice (or second, for that matter) for what you are doing - according to yourself and the rest of the world. They might have a say in what happens; they might not. They might try to actively prevent you. They might prefer to try and diminish you behind your back. You may find yourself questioning your reasoning and your capabilities daily - without them having to give you any input. AND yet you cannot prevent the passion burning inside you. You cannot completely block out the voice that keeps repeating softly: "If not me, then who?"

Follow that voice, that passion, to whatever scary destination it might be leading you to. No matter what doubt and doubters have to say. It is where you need to be. It is where you are needed.

You might have an instinctual aptitude for something, an instinctual ability so strong that it scares those with the best qualifications and the right connections. Do not rest on this instinctual advantage - hone the skill like you would any other. But then do not be afraid to use it, even in the face of resistance. Do not wait for permission. Do not wait for somebody else to allow you. AND then always use it as your gut - your instinct - tells you to. Do not be unnecessarily limited by pomp and tradition. Do what you know you must, in the way you have been created and moulded to do it.

Embrace what you fear but know to be true about yourself. Do not let anything or anyone stand in your way. Work hard. Work honestly. In this way you will be true to the self God created you to be. And in that truthful living, beauty and change will be allowed into the world...little by little...

You have a voice! AND you have a right to be heard! Now use it!  

Raise your glass!

I know everyone says this, but that doesn’t make it less true – it is almost impossible to imagine or believe that we are nearing the end of the second week of January 2013?! Especially since 2012 is still lurking around unashamedly as the huge elephant in the room. At this point I feel I have to confess that “discipline” is one of my 5 strengths, which means that I love having even the false sense of security that everything in my life is either neatly tied up with a bow already, or fast approaching that state. 

This is especially true over the Festive/New Year Season – a time advertised as a time of rest, of looking back and evaluating, and a time for planning ahead. And all of this is advertised as usually taking place in utter calm in some or other meditative position, with the most beautiful of surroundings. This picture, this idea, makes me feel happy and calm – even a little in control :) And yet, that is not how life works…Instead of calm and beauty and meditation, I find myself still sinking knee-deep in last year’s unfinished things. There is no time for “filing” and “clean-up” and “beginning anew”, for 2013 is already starting to pile things onto the heap that has spilled over from 2012 – some of it new, some of it old with new faces, some of it just old.

Which means that, instead of the rejuvenated and shiny me that I was hoping would lightly skip into this new year, it’s just the same old me…maybe even a little more tired…Not exactly the romantic picture everyone dreams of, I know.  A picture that is so firmly etched into my being that I have been struggling to write a new blog post – simply because I am not feeling all champagne bubbly.

So, what do I say to myself? How do I inspire myself, and the possible one or two others out there who are having the same experience as me, to “keep on trucking”?  Even though last year has decided to tag along, and this year is already proving complicated? Maybe by starting with two age-old sayings that, at least for some of us, will always prove to be true – “That’s life” and “Shit happens”. 

Yes, it did not work out as I secretly, romantically (and naively) hoped for. But it can still be mostly a good year! Some of the things I have to drag along aren’t things I can get rid of. But some of them I can. Some of my time being taken I cannot take back. But some of it I can. I cannot always be in control of every aspect of my life, but that doesn’t mean I have no control. It’s as easy and as insanely difficult as that. 

Which leads me to a prayer my grandmother always gave me - one that frustrated the hell out of me because that’s not the life I wanted – that makes all the sense in the world now: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.” – Reinhold Niebuhr

My only New Year’s resolution? To create (read force!) space into every day to pray this, to be with God. I have a feeling that the rest will take care of itself.

Risen indeed!

He is not here!

“The story of Easter is the story of God’s wonderful window of divine surprise.” – Carl Knudsen

“There is not room for Death,
Nor atom that his might could render void:
Thou – Thou art Being and Breath,
And what Thou art may never be destroyed.” – Emily Bronte

“Easter is not a time for groping through dusty, musty tomes or tombs to disprove spontaneous generation or even to prove life eternal.  It is a day to fan the ashes of dead hope, a day to banish doubts and seek the slopes where the sun is rising, to revel in the faith which transports us out of ourselves and the dead past into the vast and inviting unknown.” – Author unknown (as quoted in the Lewiston Tribune)

He is risen!

“The joyful news that He is risen does not change the contemporary world.  Still before us lie work, discipline, sacrifice.  But the fact of Easter gives us the spiritual power to do the work, accept the discipline, and make the sacrifice.” – Henry Knox Sherrill

“Ye sleeping buds, break
Open your green cerements, and wake
To fragrant blossoming for His sweet sake.” – Margaret French Patton