The Invitation

We had the privilege of being at an old friend's wedding yesterday afternoon, and as part of the ceremony the following was read. It is truly beautiful and inspiring, and so I want to share it with all of you.   

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments."

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

You are!

I have finally watched "The King's Speech" in these wee hours. I am simultaneously ashamed and delighted - ashamed that it took me so very many years to get around to it; delighted at the bucket of wisdom and inspiration it has doused me with (along with some Queen's English, of course). And then at exactly the time I need to be showered with these things. I am sharing these thoughts, here, with you. I hope they are the same breath of fresh air for you, the spark needed for dying kindling.

You might not be the first choice (or second, for that matter) for what you are doing - according to yourself and the rest of the world. They might have a say in what happens; they might not. They might try to actively prevent you. They might prefer to try and diminish you behind your back. You may find yourself questioning your reasoning and your capabilities daily - without them having to give you any input. AND yet you cannot prevent the passion burning inside you. You cannot completely block out the voice that keeps repeating softly: "If not me, then who?"

Follow that voice, that passion, to whatever scary destination it might be leading you to. No matter what doubt and doubters have to say. It is where you need to be. It is where you are needed.

You might have an instinctual aptitude for something, an instinctual ability so strong that it scares those with the best qualifications and the right connections. Do not rest on this instinctual advantage - hone the skill like you would any other. But then do not be afraid to use it, even in the face of resistance. Do not wait for permission. Do not wait for somebody else to allow you. AND then always use it as your gut - your instinct - tells you to. Do not be unnecessarily limited by pomp and tradition. Do what you know you must, in the way you have been created and moulded to do it.

Embrace what you fear but know to be true about yourself. Do not let anything or anyone stand in your way. Work hard. Work honestly. In this way you will be true to the self God created you to be. And in that truthful living, beauty and change will be allowed into the world...little by little...

You have a voice! AND you have a right to be heard! Now use it!  

God’s window

In this past week I was involved in quite a few conversations and scenarios where the idea of “doubt” came up: What is it? What does it do? Is it good or bad? (etc. etc. etc., as the good king would say  ) And you, knowing me by now, should know that these situations and conversations got me a’thinkin. This is how far I’ve gotten; maybe you can comment and take us all a little further?

“Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.” – Khalil Gibran

I have always been one to ask questions – from the obvious to the awkward – which means I have always asked questions of my faith as well. In studying theology I found a certain freedom – finally it wasn’t frowned upon to ask questions! In fact, it was encouraged. But in this process of letting go, of going farther and asking more than I had ever imagined, I lost something. Something precious, something that I only realised the worth of a few years later – I lost faith…I lost the capability to know when to let go. I got lost in the pain and the uncertainty of doubt, arrogantly thinking I had finally gotten to where everyone should be journeying. When in fact all I had become was hollow. 

It was in this time that God graciously introduced Himself to me again – through the faith of others, through their lives and their stories. I was confronted with a freedom I did not know anymore, for I had chosen to become confined within my own small mind and the things that mind could think of and could handle. I thought I had found the answers, because they were answers I could work out; when, in fact, I had only lost the capability to venture outside of myself. I had gotten stuck. Luckily, I got “pulled out” again before there was no turning back. But from then on the debate has raged within and around me – for “doubt” as such is not a bad thing. It makes sure we do not become complacent. Become petrified in our ways.

“If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.” ― René Descartes “There lives more faith in honest doubt, believe me, than in half the creeds.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson “Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom” - Ancient proverb

Doubt can be exactly the window God needs to be able to settle Himself in our souls – it very often is. And doubt can make sure that we are still in relationship with the real God, not our imagined or accepted picture of Him. So when does doubt become negative? When does it scoop all meaning out of our thoughts and our lives? When there is nothing left but doubt and cynicism. When all we do is question and doubt and fear. For then we have nothing to live for, nothing to drive us, nothing to strive towards. All we have is emptiness and trying to live through it.

Faith in doubt

“Every mental act is composed of doubt and belief, but it is belief that is the positive, it is belief that sustains thought and holds the world together.” ― Søren Kierkegaard “ “The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” - Dale Carnegie

May there always be enough doubt in our lives to keep us honest and our minds and hearts clear. But may there (also) always be a little faith in our doubt, enough faith to make the doubt an instrument, not the end. And may God, the true Source of all doubt and faith, keep watch over us all in our journey on this balancing act called life.