You are loved!

This is my beloved, with whom I am well pleased

This week is Pentecost, and as a start to the week’s celebration, I got to listen to a wonderful man named Tom Smith. Because of his teaching, and because of my personal circumstances at this time – my mother is having a very serious back-operation today and my sister-in-law is having the first grandchild on Sarel’s side of the family immanently – these are the thoughts that have been rattling through my brain. I hope my sharing them can mean something to you…

The sad thing is that these wonderfully noble motives often lead us down the wrong track…something I was reminded of again when reading the following from Donald Miller: “If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn’t cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn’t tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you’d seen. The truth is, you wouldn’t remember that movie a week later, except you’d feel robbed and want your money back. Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo. But we spend years actually living those stories, and expect our lives to be meaningful. The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won’t make a story meaningful, it won’t make a life meaningful either”.

Now, it might not be a Volvo specifically, but we are more often than not trying to affirm our purpose and meaning through physical things. When actually, in those moments where we are faced with the reality of life and death, it isn’t those things that come to mind. Rather it is the things that make us ugly cry, those things that lift our spirits, that force us to breathe deeply and that confront us with the harsh beauty that life is that our thoughts keep returning to. 

For those are the things that make our lives worthwhile…that make them feel fully lived in the dark of death’s shadow…and at the basis of all these things lies our desire to be loved! It is in the meaning our lives have for those around us – in the love that we are looked at, that we are hugged with – that we finally know that our being here has not been in vain. That knowing that one life has breathed easier because we have lived.

The most wonderful thing?! That, even before we start looking at the people around us – people who can be fickle and childish – we can be grounded in God’s overwhelming love! “The LORD your God is with you; his power gives you victory. The LORD will take delight in you, and in his love he will give you new life. He will sing and be joyful over you, as joyful as people at a festival.” – Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord DELIGHTS in the mere fact of our existence! He SINGS over the people He has created us to be! And that only because we exist – BEFORE we DO or SAY anything?! 

My life has meaning because I am I, created by God to be the me I am, my only purpose being to stay true to the dream He dreamt when He made me. We just have to BE for our lives to have abundant meaning! So let’s stop chasing and striving and being so busy with what the world expects that we forget who we are…let’s refocus on God and his delight…let’s relax…for WE are his BELOVED, with whom He is well pleased!

Sore thumb

“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.” – Albert Einstein

Earlier today I was talking to my mother – a woman of beautifully simple and childlike faith (something I have always envied in a way) – looking at the tears in her eyes as she explains to me how stupid she feels when comparing her faith and life to those of others. I tell her that she shouldn’t be comparing herself or her journey/faith to others, as it is exactly the uniqueness of her life that makes her special and mesmerising. And yet, at the back of my mind, I know that I should actually be “preaching” this to myself, for I know that I am constantly comparing. We are all constantly comparing…from our bodies to our things to our faith…and we almost never come out on top… We are so quick to see and appreciate the value of others, yet simultaneously always quicker to dismiss ourselves. 

But then I am reminded that you can only see others as clearly as you see yourself…which implies that we aren’t really seeing other people as accurately as we think we are…and that we are using skew images to compare ourselves to…like walking in one of those classic carnival “Hall of Mirrors” and taking whatever we see – no matter how disfigured – as our only truth…“A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.” – Maya Angelou

But that means that I, that every one of us, are not living within the identity God gave us. We might be confessing that belief every day, but we sure aren’t living it – for our every need to compare ourselves to others is a warped sense of self worth and a not-so-solid self esteem, based on a definition of success that we never chose in the first place! The solution, obviously, would then be to stop comparing yourself – by building your self worth and developing a solid self-esteem that cannot be disturbed by outside factors and opinions. For doing so will give you the freedom to be the only person you were ever meant to be – yourself. The wonderful – and terribly embarrassing – thing is that we do not need to search for a source of self worth or a basis for developing self-esteem, because WE ALREADY HAVE IT! We have had it all along!

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule…you’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you…you’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought…you’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat…you’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.” – Matthew 5:3-8

“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers – most of which are never even seen – don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” – Matthew 6:30-34

So, if we truly are the believers we claim to be, we have to stop comparing! We have to start finding ourselves where we should always have been looking – with God. And we should RELY ONLY on His opinion! “If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.” – Johann von Goethe “Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got.” – Janis Joplin

“Each of us has a fire in our hearts for something. It’s our goal in life to find it and to keep it lit.” – Mary Lou Retton

The heart of God

“JOY is the SERIOUS BUSINESS of HEAVEN!” – CS Lewis

I had the privilege of being present at a baby shower last weekend, and the joy of a wonderful Cape vacation this weekend…and all I constantly found myself thinking about was the spiritual discipline of joy. Which sounds strange – how can joy be a discipline?! But maybe it isn’t that strange, seeing that God’s joy and its many different faces surrounded me.

For the joy of the Lord does surround us – in the spectacle we call “Creation”. Just think about how different the story of creation would have been if God had not been as enthusiastic and as joyous…if He had created like we so often do. Content with “it’s all right”. Not wanting to have to go to too much effort. Just doing the bare minimum to get by. What a sad and depressing thing Creation would have been! But instead infinite combinations, spectacular engineering and abundant creative thought surround us. God did not “settle”, did not simply say, “it’s OK” or “it’ll have to do” – His creation ended with “it was GOOD!” And it was!

And it is this joy, this pleasure of the simple fact of being alive and having possibilities to consider, which should fill us with gratitude and make us jump out of bed every morning. Joy is at the heart of God’s plan for us…is at the heart of God! Does this mean we will never know sorrow? Quite the contrary – we were promised two things…one: that we would be surrounded by difficulty and sorrow…two: that we would never be alone in this, and that we would always have something to look forward to, to strive towards “with grace in our hearts and flowers in our hair” – Mumford & Sons

“Go home and prepare a feast, holiday food and drink; and share it with those who don’t have anything: This day is holy to God. Don’t feel bad. The joy of God is your strength!” – Nehemiah 8:9-10

So, make time to celebrate every day’s smallest of miracles. Always keep in front of you the Source of our joy and strong hope. And remember, selfishness is the only thing that keeps us from experiencing the myriad joys God puts into our every day. So don’t just wait…LIVE abundantly! For “today is the day that the Lord has made!”

Up! And away!

Mission impossible

When the answer is "no"...

In life, we all love a good mystery. I’m sure that, if we were to talk about our favourite TV series’, one or other of the “CSI”’s, “Law & Order”’s, “Criminal minds”, “Lie to me”, Dexter” etc. would pop up. We love the uncertainty, the tension and the figuring it out. Except when it comes to prayer and our spiritual journey. There we don’t want any uncertainty or mystery…and definitely NO TENSION! That’s why we latch onto those believers, those stories, of immediate answer – whether it be healing or a job or a husband. We desperately want the same for ourselves. Otherwise we (and others) start to question our faith. But uncertainty and mystery is exactly what we so often experience…if we’re honest…Those times when our question isn’t answered and our issue isn’t addressed.

In these situations people LOVE to quote the Bible at you, when pointing out that it must be your lack of faith that is leading to this calamity. And indeed it is true, in the life of Jesus we often find him talking about the importance of faith when having to do with miracles. Countless examples can be given of the faith He talked about while healing, exorcising, moving mountains…Matthew 17:20 being only one…

But what about those times when, no matter the size of your faith, the mountains don’t move? We have all known people, whose faith were our bedrock and our example, that landed in situations that they could not pray themselves out of. And we KNOW that we can’t pin it on their lack of faith. But what then?!

“I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me: ‘My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness’. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” – 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

We do not know exactly what the “handicap” is that Paul talks about – most recently researchers have stated that it was probably his physical “disability” due to the struggle, hard travel, beatings, floggings etc. that were part of his everyday living. But we do know that he pleaded with God to remove it three times…and that, every one of those three times, God said “no”. Paul, a bastion for what faith is, did not receive what he was praying for. But then again, neither did Jesus – think back on the Garden of Olives…

What, then, can we surmise about faith and prayer? Maybe these things…

• Faith and prayer shouldn’t be about me; it should be about moving ever closer to God and his heart. This is not the same as saying that I can’t pray for myself, but that it does matter what I am praying for when it comes to me – am I praying for more tolerance, wisdom and courage? I have a feeling that, the closer we become, the more our prayers will change.
• Faith and prayer is not about certainty, far from it! It is about being real and honest. Faith and uncertainty/doubt walk hand in hand, and form the basis of an honest relationship with God. Only in honesty can there be growth and change.
• Faith and prayer cannot be about “testing” God. That is not real relationship, nor does it symbolise trust.
• Faith and prayer were never meant to be for “individuals only”. When we start praying in community with others, it is amazing how our prayers are refined. How difficult it becomes to pray from a selfish place.

We are called to pray actively, personally, honestly, intimately, energetically and relationally – not because it guarantees us answers, but because it guarantees us relationship. And in relationship, even “no” starts to sound different…feel different…

The only constant…

Jaco and Lindsey Barnard, 6 April 2012

I will always struggle with how quickly time flies – just as I struggle with the practicality of how time zones work  I was looking at wedding photos of a beautiful and magical wedding – Jaco and Lindsey Barnard’s – and I was reminded of the fact that Sarel and I’s marriage journey had its beginning more than eight years ago. And, me being me, I started thinking back on those years…about the people we were…about all the things that have happened…about the people we have become… And, in a way, it seems so strange that we are still together, for so much has changed in our lives and in our beings.

It is not for nothing that one of the most memorable and oft-repeated quotes of all time is “the only constant in life is change”. And that makes marriage seem like such a strange concept – for you are promising to be with someone forever…yet you cannot be sure who that person will be in ten years…hell, even who you will be! Especially if you are committed to being self-aware and have a desire to always become more yourself, to keep growing, for growth means change and change involves risk, involves stepping from the known to the unknown. With the person you now give your heart to it could mean stepping into being with someone “new and unknown” a few years along the line. I certainly know this to be true of our lives…our marriage…I am not the same person I was on that dewy-eyed day. You are promising to be committed to (and very involved in) a roller-coaster ride…

That's the story of...that's the glory of...

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” Anatole France ”Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” - Arnold Bennett

What makes it worthwhile? For worthwhile it certainly is, this rollercoaster called marriage. What makes the change, and the discomfort and grief it often brings, something to commit to and look forward to? ”Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change – this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.” - Bruce Barton

Exactly that – knowing that your journey brings change and growth, not only in your own being, but also in the being of that one person who has committed to staying. And if you have set out on this journey together for the right reasons, that change will always be for the better. The grace (and discomfort) of marriage is the privilege of having your own purifying fire, bringing with each passing year more clarity and shine. But encapsulated with that fire also the one person who will always be in your corner, who will always be there in your striving towards yourself. Relationships change with time, they only last if you learn to adapt and except that change.

Luckily, we can “always remember that the future comes one day at a time” – Dean Acheson Marriage might begin with that one beautiful day, but it has to continue with a daily renewal of commitment to that day’s spouse. And before you know it, you are ten years down the line; you are different; yet you are loved. May the blessing of the journey be yours.

Here's to you, kid

Risen indeed!

He is not here!

“The story of Easter is the story of God’s wonderful window of divine surprise.” – Carl Knudsen

“There is not room for Death,
Nor atom that his might could render void:
Thou – Thou art Being and Breath,
And what Thou art may never be destroyed.” – Emily Bronte

“Easter is not a time for groping through dusty, musty tomes or tombs to disprove spontaneous generation or even to prove life eternal.  It is a day to fan the ashes of dead hope, a day to banish doubts and seek the slopes where the sun is rising, to revel in the faith which transports us out of ourselves and the dead past into the vast and inviting unknown.” – Author unknown (as quoted in the Lewiston Tribune)

He is risen!

“The joyful news that He is risen does not change the contemporary world.  Still before us lie work, discipline, sacrifice.  But the fact of Easter gives us the spiritual power to do the work, accept the discipline, and make the sacrifice.” – Henry Knox Sherrill

“Ye sleeping buds, break
Open your green cerements, and wake
To fragrant blossoming for His sweet sake.” – Margaret French Patton

“Passover Seders are like the night sky:

A moment of moments long past and just gone;
Starlight years old next to planets nearby
Shining as though joined in one joyous song.
Over our heads is a book of the ages
Vividly chanting the stories of old.
Even as under our fingers are pages
Resplendent with light come from cauldrons now cold.
So may we gaze at the past in the present,
Each prayer a jewel in a darkness undone,
Destined to light on our eyes in a moment
Embracing all slaves out from Egypt as one.
Rejoice, then, in this living graveyard of light,
Singing the words, that they last one more night.” – Nicholas Gordon

Yesterday, as the sun set on the different parts of the world, Jews everywhere celebrated the Passover Seder. The very same Seder that Jesus and his disciples celebrated on that fateful night before the crucifixion.

The Passover Seder is a beautiful ritual – one that has blessed me every time I took part in the celebration. It is good and necessary to remember the way that our family of faith has been walking from the very beginning: to eat of the “karpas” and the “maror” and be reminded that our tears are not the first shed, the bitterness of parts of our journey not the first to be experienced; to take part in the “yachatz”, the breaking of the bread, celebrating that God would even part the seas for those He loves. In each different phase of the meal, in all the different elements, to know as concretely as the things that we smell, touch and eat that – though this life is often filled with suffering, pain and bitterness – we are enfolded in the promise and the blessing of God’s presence…of his unceasing love and involvement in our lives.

I am the bread of life...broken for you...

“Palpably, You are in this room,
A presence just as certain as our own,
Singing with us — family friend, well-known –
Someone, not just something we assume.
One can know You only intimately.
Vast as You are, You fit into our home.
Every tick of life we’re not alone,
Rejoicing in a love we feel and see.” – Nicholas Gordon

The wonder and grace for those of us who have come to know Jesus for Who He was? That our Passover Seder does not need to end with a prayer to Elijah, the opening of a door to symbolise our expectation for the coming of the Messiah or the words, encapsulating the hope that the Messiah will come, that “next year (will be) in Jerusalem”. For God and the Kingdom have already entered the door – as unexpectedly strange as only God can be – and all the offerings needed have already been made. “Our true identity is flat and plain, not puffed up with the wrong kind of ingredient. The Messiah, our Passover Lamb, has already been sacrificed for the Passover meal, and we are the Unraised Bread part of the Feast. So let’s live out our part in the Feast, not as raised bread swollen with the yeast of evil, but as flat bread-simple, genuine, unpretentious.” – 1 Cor 5:7-8 So, on this “Silent Saturday”, find time to be at peace and bask in this time…God’s reminder.

“Pour yourself like wine into the glass,
A liquid shaped by glass blown long ago,
Singing every year the words you know,
Songs that do not change as your years pass.
Old glass, new wine; new matter, ancient form;
Vintages that burst with life and joy;
Enduring hope no horror can destroy;
Ritual that makes a faith a home.”
– Nicholas Gordon