We are family!

"This is my family. I found it, all on my own. It's little...and broken...but still good. Yeah, still good." - Lilo & Stitch

None of us fall from the sky. We are all created. This means we are part of a family - that family might be only one other person, but a family we still are. 

Now, some of us are lucky enough to experience wonderful and functioning families from birth...which will still leave us scarred and traumatized in one way or a few others...because life is what it is and even the most beautiful souls aren't perfect...

But a lot of people do not even have this better beginning. For them, family is what breaks you, what hates you, what uses you up and then spits you out. And becoming healthy and whole involves setting strict boundaries with the family you were born into. Which can leave you feeling alone...unwanted...

The miracle? Families aren't just made, they can also be chosen! It has even been said that our capacity for friendship is God's way of making up for our families ;)

What we know to be "family" - people biologically connected - is a "family", yes. But it is only one type. "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof." - Richard Bach

"Family" means having people who are participants in, and witnesses to, your life. "Family" is people who stand by you, who hold you, when everything goes to hell. "Family" is to always have someone to love and someplace to go. If your blood is where that family starts - you are blessed. If you cannot have that - all is not lost.

You can find your family, and it can mean just as much as all of us think blood should. In fact, once you broaden your perspective of "family", you might just find that they have surrounded you without you noticing. 
Let's stop feeling alone and/or abandoned; let's relish the family we have - however it might have come to be!

The only constant…

Jaco and Lindsey Barnard, 6 April 2012

I will always struggle with how quickly time flies – just as I struggle with the practicality of how time zones work  I was looking at wedding photos of a beautiful and magical wedding – Jaco and Lindsey Barnard’s – and I was reminded of the fact that Sarel and I’s marriage journey had its beginning more than eight years ago. And, me being me, I started thinking back on those years…about the people we were…about all the things that have happened…about the people we have become… And, in a way, it seems so strange that we are still together, for so much has changed in our lives and in our beings.

It is not for nothing that one of the most memorable and oft-repeated quotes of all time is “the only constant in life is change”. And that makes marriage seem like such a strange concept – for you are promising to be with someone forever…yet you cannot be sure who that person will be in ten years…hell, even who you will be! Especially if you are committed to being self-aware and have a desire to always become more yourself, to keep growing, for growth means change and change involves risk, involves stepping from the known to the unknown. With the person you now give your heart to it could mean stepping into being with someone “new and unknown” a few years along the line. I certainly know this to be true of our lives…our marriage…I am not the same person I was on that dewy-eyed day. You are promising to be committed to (and very involved in) a roller-coaster ride…

That's the story of...that's the glory of...

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” Anatole France ”Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” - Arnold Bennett

What makes it worthwhile? For worthwhile it certainly is, this rollercoaster called marriage. What makes the change, and the discomfort and grief it often brings, something to commit to and look forward to? ”Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change – this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.” - Bruce Barton

Exactly that – knowing that your journey brings change and growth, not only in your own being, but also in the being of that one person who has committed to staying. And if you have set out on this journey together for the right reasons, that change will always be for the better. The grace (and discomfort) of marriage is the privilege of having your own purifying fire, bringing with each passing year more clarity and shine. But encapsulated with that fire also the one person who will always be in your corner, who will always be there in your striving towards yourself. Relationships change with time, they only last if you learn to adapt and except that change.

Luckily, we can “always remember that the future comes one day at a time” – Dean Acheson Marriage might begin with that one beautiful day, but it has to continue with a daily renewal of commitment to that day’s spouse. And before you know it, you are ten years down the line; you are different; yet you are loved. May the blessing of the journey be yours.

Here's to you, kid