The importance of being...well...here!

On the 14^th of October most of the world watched in awe as Felix Baumgartner successfully jumped from the stratosphere, breaking the sound barrier on his way down. A once in a (our?) lifetime happening. So special, in fact, that Felix has now retired – having accomplished everything he has ever dreamt of doing. We were/are mesmerized – he jumped from almost space, for heaven’s sake! 

And yet, without realizing it, we have actually been masters of space travel for a very long time – for we are constantly jumping from past to future. When we are not busy reminiscing about our yesterdays, we are planning our tomorrows. We are always busy striving, moving, reaching – because our yesterday wasn’t exactly up to scratch and our tomorrow HAS to be more, has to be better (knowing that it can never really be). Together with our time-jump abilities, we are also VERY adept at displacement – we easily breeze from our own bodies and thoughts to those of the people around us (whether they be friend or stranger), enabling us to know their innermost thoughts and feelings…thoughts and feelings that, when it comes to us, are mostly negative and/or disappointed… At least we can say that we have become professionals – professionals at bashing ourselves. For if there is one thing we know for certain, it is that we are supposed to be more than who we are, better off than where we are etc., even if we can never seem to pinpoint the exact details.

Also, when peeking into the people around us’ lives, they always seem SO much more dynamic, interesting and worthwhile. In fact, we are shocked and angry when those people share their insecurities with us – how dare they, when it’s so obvious how awesome they are?! The funniest (and saddest) part is that we KNOW the worth of the people around us, without being able to accept that those very same “rules” apply to us as well. And also, where does all of this wonderful space travel get us? Not into the Guinness Book of World Records, that’s for sure! No, it shoves us into the small dark corners of our lives. It empties us of our joy and energy. It breaks our souls.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.” - Charles R Swindoll

What to do? Stop all our very futuristic travelling, which should make us feel all proud, but instead makes us become smaller. Start living where we are – and ENJOYING it for what it is – the preciousness that is life. “Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” - William James

The only constant…

Jaco and Lindsey Barnard, 6 April 2012

I will always struggle with how quickly time flies – just as I struggle with the practicality of how time zones work  I was looking at wedding photos of a beautiful and magical wedding – Jaco and Lindsey Barnard’s – and I was reminded of the fact that Sarel and I’s marriage journey had its beginning more than eight years ago. And, me being me, I started thinking back on those years…about the people we were…about all the things that have happened…about the people we have become… And, in a way, it seems so strange that we are still together, for so much has changed in our lives and in our beings.

It is not for nothing that one of the most memorable and oft-repeated quotes of all time is “the only constant in life is change”. And that makes marriage seem like such a strange concept – for you are promising to be with someone forever…yet you cannot be sure who that person will be in ten years…hell, even who you will be! Especially if you are committed to being self-aware and have a desire to always become more yourself, to keep growing, for growth means change and change involves risk, involves stepping from the known to the unknown. With the person you now give your heart to it could mean stepping into being with someone “new and unknown” a few years along the line. I certainly know this to be true of our lives…our marriage…I am not the same person I was on that dewy-eyed day. You are promising to be committed to (and very involved in) a roller-coaster ride…

That's the story of...that's the glory of...

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” Anatole France ”Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” - Arnold Bennett

What makes it worthwhile? For worthwhile it certainly is, this rollercoaster called marriage. What makes the change, and the discomfort and grief it often brings, something to commit to and look forward to? ”Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change – this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.” - Bruce Barton

Exactly that – knowing that your journey brings change and growth, not only in your own being, but also in the being of that one person who has committed to staying. And if you have set out on this journey together for the right reasons, that change will always be for the better. The grace (and discomfort) of marriage is the privilege of having your own purifying fire, bringing with each passing year more clarity and shine. But encapsulated with that fire also the one person who will always be in your corner, who will always be there in your striving towards yourself. Relationships change with time, they only last if you learn to adapt and except that change.

Luckily, we can “always remember that the future comes one day at a time” – Dean Acheson Marriage might begin with that one beautiful day, but it has to continue with a daily renewal of commitment to that day’s spouse. And before you know it, you are ten years down the line; you are different; yet you are loved. May the blessing of the journey be yours.

Here's to you, kid