This so-called life

"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced." - Soren Kierkegaard

The past couple of weeks have been really difficult - so difficult in fact that I found myself, at some or other time every day, just staring at this blog and thinking that I have to write something - time (and followers) indeed wait for no blogger. But then also being overwhelmed by the feeling that a) I've got way too much to say, while at the same time b) that there are no words to type...nothing at all...

All of this chosen and given silence is a hard task master, leaving me so full of thoughts and yet so empty at the same time. And then, of course, enters all the drama you never asked for - whether it be of the familial or personal variety (or both at the same time for some extra fun!) - and deflation and a strong desire to never get out of bed again set in. This frame of mind, all the things happening around and within me, (of course) got me thinking. And here's what I've come up with thus far...

People often talk about the two natures to be found in each of us - whether they are called our better or lesser selves; our angels or demons; or the two wolves - and how life is about that battle for control between the different parts of ourselves; about who it is we allow the win; about what that says about us as people. That this is the purpose of our existence - to allow the better parts of ourselves to become ever stronger. And, based on who we allow to win this inner struggle, we are grouped and we are handled, lots of times unfairly.

But, in these past few weeks, I have come to realise there is a far bigger and more serious battle waging when it comes to our being in the world - and that battle is between us as individuals (with our good and bad) and the hard, sharp and rocky cliffs that are REALITY. 
For no matter who we dream of being or what we aspire to do with this little slice of life we get to call our own; reality mostly functions as the (massive) spanner in the works. As the hard reminder that we are not as special as we had hoped (or been told); that our talents, our finely honed skills and our input are not as unique or as valuable as we thought; that the path to the meaningful life we have always dreamed of looks much different than we imagined...heck, mostly it doesn't even lead in the direction we thought it would...

"Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead.  We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces." - Sigmund Freud

Now, though at this point of the struggle I would love nothing more than to be able to disappear, since I can only describe myself as immensely tired of this world and how it works, I am much too practical minded to try anything silly - damn it! 
And so I have to soldier on, and try to find that place where reality at its harshest and the dregs of myself I know to be the essential truth can possibly meet. It's not as romantic or perfect or wonderful as I always imagined; but then again, neither am I. Yet it can and must do. It is the most painful thing I have ever attempted, and it leaves me feeling like my insides have been ripped out most of the time, but on and through I must go. After all, there is nothing else for it.      
"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." - Lao Tzu

Face reality as it is.

The Alternative

It was Friday afternoon and we were on our way to do a skit at the “Beauty for Ashes” conference at New Life Church…in Johannesburg…that meant traffic was an experience…and I had a lot of time to think…tumtumtum!

I was riding with the Quantum – I had Imagine Dragons blasting on my headphones, and one of the students I mentor catching a little shut-eye on my shoulder. It was one of the times that I looked over at her, just to make sure she was comfortable, that it hit me – I have the privilege of sitting next to one of the most beautiful souls I know. More than that, she trusts me enough to allow me to be a part of her world, to speak into that world, to be the one whose shoulder she sleeps on. What an awe-inspiring and totally undeserved gift God has given me. And she is not the only one! Following this sentimental little road where it lead me, I thought of all the other students who have allowed me into their lives and into their hearts, and it took all I had not to start bawling like a hysterical woman.

But the road I had decided to walk down led even further, and this is what I want to share with you. For thinking about all the different students who share their lives with me, I was reminded of their diversity…and of stereotypes…

How often in our every day do we think and talk about stereotypes? You know, those conversations which start with ALL, and then you fill in the stereotype you have in mind – blacks, Jews, coloureds, politicians, Indians, men, athletes etc. – always in the negative, of course. And, in a way, it's understandable – there are so many people who affirm exactly that negative stereotype. So many, in fact, that it almost feels like there is nothing else to talk about.

But, sitting in that Quantum, I was reminded of all the stereotyped (you could say stereotypical?) people I share my life with, who do everything but affirm the negatives that are so easily thrown on them as a race or a culture or a gender. People who – according to stereotype – should be so many negative things; but whose hearts are in fact bigger than the biggest thing I could ever think of, who live lives of grace and beauty, whose souls shine brighter than mine ever could. 

I am sure – if you were to look carefully at your life and the people in it – that you would also discover those people. And then the question becomes: “Who will you choose to focus on when you decide what your outlook will be (whether it is the week ahead, or life in South Africa in general)?

I have a feeling that, if we choose to change where we focus our thoughts, our conversations and our time – from the negative we so easily gravitate towards, to the positive that is (actually) ever-present in our lives – we will be surprised and energised by the result. "Stereotypes do exist, but we have to walk through them." - Forest Whitaker