Reaching out

Today would have been Søren Kierkegaard's 200th birthday. And, since I have always loved the Scandinavian cultures in general, and this Danish theologian in particular, I have decided to see where his wisdom takes me...

So I started reading, and these two thoughts were some of the first I came across…and they are so close to home it’s excruciating…as it should be, I guess…

“There are two ways to be fooled: one is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.” AND “Don't forget to love yourself.”

In these two thoughts my struggle and the beginning of insight are summed up. For I have realized – not because I am so amazing, but because I have such amazing people in my life that are not afraid to confront me with the truth (often repeatedly) – that I am allowing myself to be fooled both ways. Not only do I LOVE to believe the lies my own disloyal self dishes up, I am also always eager to drink in the critique of those one or two people who have something negative to say. And then these are mostly people who really don’t have the faintest when it comes to knowing my work or me.

Combine that with my stubborn refusal to actually really listen to (i.e. take in) the many truths those people who know me better than I know myself give me almost daily, and you arrive exactly where I am moping around a lot of the time – feeling unworthy, incompetent and useless. And I know that I am not the only one that does this.

Kierkegaard’s words remind me of precisely how sad a state this is – I am stubbornly foolish. I am allowing the words and ideas of strangers to mean more than those of beloved friends. I am ignoring my instincts, myself, in order to listen to people who don’t know a thing. And I am rejecting the honest truths of those who do.

Now, I could blame “the world” – and there might even be more than a little merit to it. BUT then I read Kierkegaard’s second thought again, and I know that I only have myself to blame. I am the one making the choice as to what I remember and what I forget. I am the one acting like a stubborn ass, and then crying because it hurts.

May God grant me the grace and strength to start making better choices. And may He do the same for you. I'm kicking the devil off my back, I want to dance!