Letting go

If you know me even a smidge, you will know that I LOVE reading. I cannot get enough of the process of discovering and learning new things. About anything and everything. Always. And, quite often on these reading expeditions, I “happen upon” the most profound of insights. Not always pleasant, but always meaningful. This week’s rambling is a combination of where those “nuggets” have taken me.

I was reading about the Foo Fighters – Dave Grohl specifically – the other night, and I discovered the most interesting thing. Even when he was “only” the drummer in Nirvana, he was already writing and recording songs. Songs he never even thought to take to Kurt Cobain as possibilities for the band, because Kurt Cobain was…well…Kurt Cobain – the icon for a generation; the best thing since sliced bread…no, maybe even better; a genius; the best voice writing exactly what everyone was thinking. Whether that is true is something that can be debated, but the fact remains that Dave Grohl was overawed enough that he did not pursue something he was passionate about. 

But then Kurt Cobain died tragically, and he was left with a choice: Do I remain a drummer and just join another band (the most logical, certainly expected, choice)? Or do I risk doing my own thing? He decided to take the risk, and the rest is legendary history – even if you’re not a fan of the Foo Fighters. It was so strange – surreal, in fact – to think that all the amazing songs, the anthems for life they have become for more than one generation, might never have come to be had it not been for the tragedy those many years ago. How strange life’s journey can be…how interesting the results of unfortunate events…

And then I saw this on Twitter: “Sometimes you need to say farewell to the company you keep in order to break free from the patterns you're in.” Even when that company might be the most amazing company according to you and to everyone around you, too. Because they might be the reason you are not living up to your full potential – whether they realise it or not. Now, sometimes you are spared the difficulty of having to make the hard choice to let go. It might not feel like it at the time…or ever, for that matter…but sometimes we are “forced” out of these relationships by conflict, rejection or death. It is terrible and often sad, but still you are “opened up” – your potential suddenly becomes something, has to become something more. And then I realised something even more saddening – that we – I – mostly wait until we are forced out of situations/relationships before we take action. Even in those cases where we know the relationship is holding us back.

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” - Steve Maraboli “Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” - Ann Landers 

So let's start being thankful for those times that we didn't have to make the choice - even though it may have been painful experiences. And let's start showing true courage. We know the people and the relationships we need to move on from. Let's not wait any longer. That way we can recover and develop our true selves. And who knows what impact that might (will!) have on the world! "All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." - Havelock Ellis

Damn you, Murphy!

I’m very fond of the saying: “Murphy, you bastard!” We’ve all experienced those situations where that is all there is to be said. Situations where, it seems, nothing you do works – what you’re doing isn’t working, but boy, if you had tried the opposite, that definitely wouldn’t have worked either. Now, this week one of my friends laughed and said: “I’m sure when we get to heaven God is going to introduce Himself as Murphy?” THAT is a whole different, and very large, can of worms, one about which I’m sure we could argue forever and a day. But we’ll keep that one for another blog.

Then why the intro? Because last week was an epiphany week for me – so much so that I decided to blog about it, no matter how “heavy” it might read. I could no longer just think about it, I had to write it down AND put it out there on the World Wide Web. The relief I felt is hard to explain, like a huge fist that had been knocking at my breastbone had been banned forever. I was elated. And SO scared! For now it’s out there, and I can’t claim denial anymore. Or hide behind it anymore. And then there’s also Murphy, of course.

As, of course, almost to the day after I posted THAT post, every insecurity button I had ever developed was being pushed. Hard. Repeatedly. And RIGHT on the nose. It almost felt like every little tendril of myself I was carefully uncurling was being chopped at…with very big axes and sharp knives. Even Sarel was pushing buttons! So, by Thursday, I was feeling mauled, sore, unsure and a little empty. It felt like I was back where I started – luckily without the pounding fist. 

And this is where Murphy comes in – for some would say that this is Murphy’s bastardy side operating full throttle. Others are inclined to give the devil the blame – using your insecurities to keep you down when you begin growing upward. Still others would say that it is but your own ingrained insecurities trying to find their way back in and have you down in the hole again. Well, whatever you wish to put the blame onto, it doesn’t change where I’ve ended up – in tired and deflated street. 

But then Sarel and I finally had a good, long talk on Thursday evening. And then realisation dawned! Yes, the first and always most important input into my life MUST be God’s. But, luckily, He has not left me alone – He has gifted my life with a few people who carry my happiness and best interest as close to their hearts as their own. People who can, when those insecurity buttons are being pushed – whether unintentionally or intentionally – help hold me up. 

Because those people, who strive to live lives close to God, become a part of God’s communication with me. Yes, I have to (and will always) wait on God. But I will not miss His voice when He does speak to me, no matter the format. And one of the most important ways He is (and actually has always been) speaking to me is through those few friends of my heart. Does that mean they now become the crutches I base my life on? No. They just remind me to breathe. Remind me of the road I have travelled and the things I have learned. Remind me to remember. Thank God for those friends! 

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." - Albert Schweitzer