From the inside out

I have to start this post by saying that – over the past two days – I have once again been reminded of just how blessed I am by the friends that surround me. Thank you for love, for honest talks and for the inspiration and wisdom you bring into my life. I am VERY lucky to be able to call you “friends”! Anyhoo, back to what we have been honestly talking about.

I have always been “not too shabby” where communication is concerned – it is one of the few things that come naturally for me. I have lots of words, I can put them in straight lines and logical arguments, and I usually do not stumble over them when talking. It is only in the past week or so that I have realised that exactly this natural aptitude has made me lazy…and has made my ability to communicate devolve…

The strange thing is that, when the realisation finally hit, I wanted to sulk. This is something that I'm good at; it's not supposed to be so much work…demmit! I want to quote Strengthsfinder and say that we shouldn't be focusing so much energy on things we have to work too hard at, things that aren't our natural strengths. But then good friends remind me that that isn't exactly what the Strengthsfinder team had in mind (or communicated, if I'm being honest). And (of course) I watch a show about professional sports and realise that, even though an athlete obviously has to have a natural affinity for the sport, that affinity sans daily practice and honing of the skill doesn't mean much for long. It might even mean that someone that's less talented, but more dedicated, replaces you.

My (unwilling) conclusion? Being good at something does not mean less work. Focusing on your strengths does not mean less practice. It just means more effective work and more efficient practice. And so I am pulling myself back - with a LOT of help from my friends - from the ever-present abyss of: "It must be that I am not good enough and that this is not a strength of mine." And I will daily be replacing that falling thought with: "I am honing my skill and perfecting my strength." What a difference that makes!

"Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There's plenty of movement, but you never know if it's going to be forward, backwards, or sideways." - H Jackson Brown 

The Alternative

It was Friday afternoon and we were on our way to do a skit at the “Beauty for Ashes” conference at New Life Church…in Johannesburg…that meant traffic was an experience…and I had a lot of time to think…tumtumtum!

I was riding with the Quantum – I had Imagine Dragons blasting on my headphones, and one of the students I mentor catching a little shut-eye on my shoulder. It was one of the times that I looked over at her, just to make sure she was comfortable, that it hit me – I have the privilege of sitting next to one of the most beautiful souls I know. More than that, she trusts me enough to allow me to be a part of her world, to speak into that world, to be the one whose shoulder she sleeps on. What an awe-inspiring and totally undeserved gift God has given me. And she is not the only one! Following this sentimental little road where it lead me, I thought of all the other students who have allowed me into their lives and into their hearts, and it took all I had not to start bawling like a hysterical woman.

But the road I had decided to walk down led even further, and this is what I want to share with you. For thinking about all the different students who share their lives with me, I was reminded of their diversity…and of stereotypes…

How often in our every day do we think and talk about stereotypes? You know, those conversations which start with ALL, and then you fill in the stereotype you have in mind – blacks, Jews, coloureds, politicians, Indians, men, athletes etc. – always in the negative, of course. And, in a way, it's understandable – there are so many people who affirm exactly that negative stereotype. So many, in fact, that it almost feels like there is nothing else to talk about.

But, sitting in that Quantum, I was reminded of all the stereotyped (you could say stereotypical?) people I share my life with, who do everything but affirm the negatives that are so easily thrown on them as a race or a culture or a gender. People who – according to stereotype – should be so many negative things; but whose hearts are in fact bigger than the biggest thing I could ever think of, who live lives of grace and beauty, whose souls shine brighter than mine ever could. 

I am sure – if you were to look carefully at your life and the people in it – that you would also discover those people. And then the question becomes: “Who will you choose to focus on when you decide what your outlook will be (whether it is the week ahead, or life in South Africa in general)?

I have a feeling that, if we choose to change where we focus our thoughts, our conversations and our time – from the negative we so easily gravitate towards, to the positive that is (actually) ever-present in our lives – we will be surprised and energised by the result. "Stereotypes do exist, but we have to walk through them." - Forest Whitaker