On being witnesses

The church as community – the communion of the saints (i.e. each believer as holy/set apart, not the appointed saints of the Roman Catholic church…just in case some of you were quacking in your boots) – is something that we talk about very easily and very often. We profess to its importance every time we recite one of the creeds together. It is often the hinge point of many a sermon. It is something we try very hard to establish in one form or another in the faith communities we are a part of.

And yet, as I was sitting with the 13thFLOOR students in our Face2Face service Sunday night - listening to their prayers, their questions and their comments – I couldn’t help but wonder whether we really understood what we are saying? A question becoming ever more prominent as I sit in meetings and experience the desire, the need, to be heard...to be acknowledged as "being there"...as existing...

Com-mun-ion (kəˈmyo͞onyən): 1) The sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, esp. when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level. 2) Common participation in a mental or emotional experience. What does that mean for “the communion of the saints” we so eagerly profess? That we as community of believers, in every context we find ourselves in, should be the space where others are free to exchange with us their innermost thoughts and questions and desires and fear. That there should be no boundaries between us, no closets for skeletons to hide in, no taboos. But THAT is a space that can only be created in the following ways:

• In order for others to open up to us, we need to be willing to open all of ourselves up to them. It's a risky business for both sides, but true exchange without risk is not true.
• Where judgement is first and foremost, there is little to no room for vulnerability. The sharing of truly intimate thoughts and feelings thus needs us to be willing to really hear the whole story and see the whole person.

I am reminded of something Susan Sarandon’s character says in Shall we dance? (I have edited it a wee bit): “We need a witness to our lives. There are a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But, in communion, you're promising to care about everything - the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things; all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying: ‘Your life will not go unnoticed BECAUSE I WILL NOTICE IT.  Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness’.”

To be able to notice, we need to have our eyes and ears open. More than that, we need to be inquisitive. We need to take the initiative. Only then can we be a witness worth mentioning. A witness that helps those around us realise, with every fibre of their being, that they are important beyond words. That is what Jesus spent His days doing - noticing (especially) those people that nobody bothered with, witnessing not only that they existed, but that their existence mattered! 

“One must always be aware, to notice even though the cost of noticing is to become responsible.” - Thylias Moss 

Well then, what are you waiting for? :)

I have a dream!

It is surreal to think that another month has flown by O_o I comfort myself with the thought that at least it hasn’t been a WHOLE month since I last wrote :) Anyhoo, lots of things have been happening at 13thFLOOR, things that have challenged me in my thinking and my dreaming about the future. This has been made worse (actually better) by very honest talks with colleagues who know me, want the best for me and don’t hold back. And so I have been chewing on a few thoughts – not all of them pleasant ones, I have to add. All these thoughts were brought to a head when seeing a part of “Akeelah and the Bee” on Friday.

I have realized/am realizing how naturally and quickly I (we?) tend to blame other people, circumstance and/or things for our not getting where we want to go and doing what we want to do. Now sure, there are such things as the reality of dealing with politics, structures and egos in any organization; but how much of our experience of “being held back” is actually caused by any of the above factors. And how many times are we simply held back by our own lack of confidence. Sure, I can moan about opportunities not given to me…but did I honestly try my best to gain those opportunities? Or was I sitting back, waiting for someone’s permission? And then, of course, blaming that person when the permission didn’t come.

It is not an easy thing to realize that you have been lazy. That you have been spewing about passions but not taking the initiative and doing the work. It’s as easy and as difficult as “trying”. As starting to do the things you talk about wanting to do – not waiting for someone to ask you before you begin, but showing them your end result. Yes, they might be surprised. Yes, they might shoot you down. But at least you have started on the journey! At least you have something to show for all the talking!

And, of course, I had to ask myself “why”. Why do I take the back seat? Why do I wait for permission? Why don’t I try? And this is where “Akeelah and the Bee” comes in. Specifically the following quote she is asked to read: 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson

I do not push myself because then I cannot fail. I do not initiate because then I cannot be rejected. I do not try because then my efforts cannot make anyone else feel small/inadequate. I don’t delve into the potential I think is there because then I don’t ever really have to worry about it and work at it. And I still get to whine about my untapped potential, blaming it on everyone else other than me.

But this is to sin. This is to throw back into God’s face everything He has given me. Everything His Spirit has awakened in me. Most of all, this is cowardice – no matter how noble the intention of it might sound. I will now stop waiting, stop hiding, stop making excuses. I will reach and I will strive. May God grant me the courage and the grace to do what I am setting out to do. May He grant us all the grace and the courage!